The pattern interrupt

Some of my children still have toddler tantrums, which is not cool, because they are not toddlers.

Maybe your child does this too.

They get in a rut and they don’t know how to break out. They have decided they’re angry and they’re going to continue to be angry even though they know they’re in the wrong.

Even when they know they are at fault, and they want to make things better, they can’t bring themselves to de-escalate.

You have to provide an escape route.

That’s where the pattern interrupt comes in. You’re giving your child a way out - a chance to reset the mood without shame or recrimination.

And it works like magic.

An example

When my children get angry, I stop, stock still and stare at them. I glare at them. I narrow my eyes and I make them think that this is it: the end, the final word. Dad is going to lose it.

And then I take off a shoe.

And I hang it on my ear.

Stunned silence.

What can this mean?

Cue bursts of laughter, fits of uncontrollable giggles. They take off my other shoe and hang it from my nose. They put an upturned bowl on my head.

_Daddy, you’re so funny! _

Crisis averted. The ticking bomb has been defused. Peace has been restored to the kingdom.

I gave them an escape route and they gratefully took it.

No reprimands, no recriminations. We don’t talk about the misdeeds. We move on, and have a happy, screen-free afternoon.

In the words of Han Solo, Sometimes I amaze even myself.

Materials needed

• None (just a little creativity and bravery).

What makes a successful pattern interrupt?

Ready to try one of your own? It's easy. Here are the key elements:

• Unexpected: Catch them by surprise with something lighthearted or silly.
• Non-judgmental: This is key. Don't mention the crime. Offer a gentle reset without drawing attention to mistakes.
• Engaging: Invite their involvement, so they feel part of the moment.
• Simple: No props needed, just a playful shift in mood.
• Short: Quick enough to defuse the tension without drawing it out.

Are you brave enough to try these?

Need some inspiration?

Here are a few I have tried over the years:

• Stood on the table and sung a song.
• Taken a glass of water and poured it over my head.
• Done a handstand.
• Said, "Do that one more time and I'll... give you a biscuit!"

It doesn't have to be complicated, just unexpected. Change the mood with a surprise. You're giving your child a way to retreat with her honour intact. It's not about 'winning' or getting your child to accept that she has done something wrong.

You're both stuck and you've painted yourselves into a corner. Prolonging the argument won't make things better.

And that's the magic of the pattern interrupt.

The best one ever

Here's the craziest one of all. This one, from my Dad, who managed to pattern-interrupt a dog:

One day we came out of a shop to find a man standing by the door with an enormous Alsatian. It growled and bared its teeth, and leapt at us repeatedly. My sister and I were terrified. We hid behind my father but there was no way past the animal, who was blocking the way. Its owner, a smirking twenty-something, was clearly enjoying our discomfort.

Before I knew what was happening, my dad was on his hands and knees, nose to nose with the beast.

Woof, woof!

He was barking at the dog.

Startled, and not a little worried, the dog retreated behind its owner and my triumphant father took our hands, smiled at the man and we walked away.

What a legend!

Your turn

What pattern interrupts could work for you and your child?

If you've got one you're particularly proud of, please share it in the comments.