The grounding touch

Calming through connection

When your child feels overwhelmed, a simple, gentle touch can do wonders to help her regulate her emotions. The Grounding Touch uses physical connection to create a sense of safety and calm, showing her that she’s not alone in her distress.

Materials needed

• None.

Instructions

1. Ask permission. Say, “Can I give you a hug?” or “Would you like to hold my hand?” If she says no, offer an alternative like sitting nearby or staying close.
2. Apply gentle pressure. If she agrees, give her a comforting hug, hold her hand, or rest your hand lightly on her back or shoulder. Match the intensity of the touch to what feels reassuring for her.
3. Stay fully present. Give her your full attention without distractions. Focus on the connection and let her feel your calm energy.
4. Breathe together. Encourage slow, deep breaths while maintaining physical contact. Say, “Let’s breathe together—one big breath in, and out,” modeling the rhythm to help her relax.
5. Let her lead. Allow her to decide when to end the contact. Watch for signs that she’s feeling calmer, like loosening her grip or starting to shift her focus.

Tips

• Respect boundaries. If she doesn’t want physical contact, don’t force it. Instead, offer your presence in other ways, like sitting nearby or making eye contact.
• Project calm energy. Your touch should be steady and soothing, not hurried or tense. Take a moment to regulate your own emotions before offering comfort.
• Adapt to the situation. For younger children, cradling or rocking might feel more comforting, while older children may prefer a reassuring hand on their shoulder.
• Combine with grounding words. While maintaining the touch, say something soothing like, “I’m here for you,” or “It’s okay to feel this way.”

Expected outcome

• Soothing effect. Physical touch helps reduce stress hormones and activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which promotes calm.
• Emotional security. Reassures your child that she is supported and safe.
• Strengthened bond. Builds trust and deepens your connection through shared calm moments.

Why this works

The Grounding Touch taps into the power of co-regulation, where a calm, attuned caregiver helps a dysregulated child return to a state of balance. Physical touch releases oxytocin, a hormone that promotes bonding and reduces stress. This touch-based interaction also activates the parasympathetic nervous system, signaling to your child that she is safe and doesn’t have to face her emotions alone.

As Dr. Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson explain in The Power of Showing Up, consistent, comforting presence helps children develop secure attachments, which are essential for emotional resilience and regulation.

Further Reading:

For more insights on the role of connection and co-regulation, check out The Power of Showing Up by Dr. Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson.

Final word

The Grounding Touch is a simple but powerful way to help your child through moments of overwhelm. By staying present and offering calm, gentle reassurance, you teach her that it’s okay to feel big emotions and that she can trust you to support her. Try it the next time your child is distressed, and share your experiences in the comments below. Don’t forget to subscribe to our newsletter for more tools to help your child thrive emotionally and relationally.