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Attachment Play

Separation games

Separation games

Helping your child build trust and confidence through playful separations.

When your child is very young, the idea that something exists even when it’s out of sight is not yet part of her understanding. This is called object permanence—the cognitive leap that things (and people) continue to exist, even if they’re not visible. Developing this understanding is not just about her knowing where you’ve gone; it’s about her trusting that you will come back.

Separation games are more than just fun. They teach your child that separations are temporary, predictable, and safe. By practising short, playful absences, you help her build the trust and security she needs to separate confidently and engage in independent play.

Materials needed

  • None for peekaboo or hide-and-seek.
  • Optional: A small favourite toy for hiding.

Instructions

  1. Start with peekaboo. Sit face-to-face and hide your face behind your hands. Pop out with a cheerful “Peekaboo!” and repeat until your child anticipates your return with laughter and joy.
  2. Progress to hiding objects. Hide a toy under a blanket or behind a cushion and encourage your child to find it. Praise her efforts when she uncovers it, reinforcing the idea that what’s hidden is not lost.
  3. Play hide-and-seek. Let your child hide herself while you search for her. Narrate your search with exaggerated enthusiasm: “Is she under the table? No! Is she behind the chair? No!” Celebrate her clever hiding spot when she reveals herself.
  4. Encourage short separations. Ask your child to bring you something from another room, like a book or toy. She gets to practice leaving and returning on her own terms, always knowing you’ll be there when she comes back.

Tips

  • Let her take control. Children often prefer to hide themselves rather than having you hide. This lets her reveal herself whenever she needs reassurance.
  • Be predictable. Use consistent language and actions during these games so she learns to trust the process.
  • Watch for readiness. If your child seems uneasy, keep separations brief and playful. Build her confidence gradually.

Expected outcome

  • Trust and security. These games help your child internalise the understanding that separations are temporary and safe.
  • Cognitive growth. Practising object permanence sharpens her understanding of the world and builds confidence in your return.
  • Independent play. Knowing you’ll always come back allows her to explore and engage with her surroundings more freely.

Why this works

Object permanence is a cornerstone of attachment and cognitive development. Games like peekaboo and hide-and-seek offer a low-pressure way for your child to practice this concept while strengthening her emotional bond with you. Each playful reunion reassures her that you’re dependable, helping her trust in your presence—even when you’re not in sight.

Understanding object permanence also has broader implications. In adulthood, it relates to trusting that relationships persist even when people aren’t physically present. By giving your child these foundational experiences, you’re supporting her resilience and emotional security for years to come.

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