Return to the breath

Teaching your child lifelong self-regulation through mindful breathing

My son finds it hard to switch off at night.

An hour after lights have gone off, I hear a voice.

"Are you there, Dad? I can't sleep."

"What's wrong, son?"

"I'm having bad thoughts."

This usually means he’s worried about something that happened during the day or that he read in a book at bedtime. As he gets older, the themes in his books get darker: children are orphaned, homes are destroyed, people are kidnapped.

"I don’t want you to die, Daddy."

That’s a tough one to tackle at bedtime.

So I sit with him. I comfort him. I lie next to him until he sleeps.

These worries first surfaced around the age of five. It’s a time when children begin to grasp the irreversibility of death and the unsettling concept of "forever." Their developing understanding introduces them to fears they’ve never had to process before.

This isn’t a topic a child should be left to digest alone.

But, over the years, there have been times when his mind was racing but the worries were less severe.

How could I help him to self-regulate in these moments?

One night, early on, I found myself holding him in my arms as he struggled to slow his breathing. I deliberately—and audibly—slowed my own breathing. As my chest rose and fell, his breathing fell into line, mirroring mine.

"Try to take deeper breaths," I said. "Count in for four breaths, then out for four. Feel your heart rate slowing down."

I have done a lot of yoga and meditation over the years. Could my son learn a simple breathing meditation?

Years later, I’ve seen the results: not just at bedtime, but during moments of frustration or anger. He closes his eyes, breathes deeply for ten seconds, and restores his balance. The breath has become his anchor, a tool he now carries with him for life.