Commitment devices: keeping your promise to play

Imagine this: Your child walks past her tablet without a second glance, heading straight for her Play Kit instead. She's not doing this because you've asked her to - she's doing it because breaking her commitment to play would feel harder than following through.

This is the power of commitment devices - tools that help us stick to our intentions by making it more costly to break them.

Understanding commitment devices

Commitment devices work by increasing the cost of breaking a commitment - whether that's through social accountability, time constraints, or environmental design. For example, if you tell a friend you'll meet them for a run, you're more likely to follow through because you don't want to let them down. The same principle can be applied to screen-free habits at home.

When we make it more difficult (emotionally, socially, or practically) to reach for screens, and create accountability for play, we help our children develop stronger play habits.

Why traditional approaches often fail

Perhaps you've tried:

• Setting strict screen time limits
• Creating detailed schedules
• Making rules about when screens are allowed

But rules and schedules often fail because they rely on willpower alone. They don't create any real cost to breaking them beyond parent disapproval.

Commitment devices work differently. They create meaningful consequences that make it harder to abandon play in favour of screens.

Understanding your child's sense of time

Before we explore specific commitment devices, we need to understand something crucial about young children: they live in the present moment. When we ask a four-year-old to commit to "an hour of play before screens" or "no tablets until after lunch," we're asking her to understand concepts she hasn't yet developed.

Think about it: How many times has your young child asked "Is it lunchtime yet?" just minutes after breakfast? Or insisted "But you said five minutes!" when it's been barely thirty seconds?

This isn't defiance - it's development. Your child's sense of time develops gradually:

• At age 3-4, she might understand "after breakfast" or "before bed" but struggles with hours and minutes
• At age 5-6, she begins to grasp longer time periods but still finds waiting challenging
• By age 7-8, she can better understand and plan for future events

This matters for commitment devices. When we ask young children to commit to time-based goals, we're setting them up for frustration and confusion. Instead, focus on immediate, visible commitments:

Instead of: "No screens for one hour"

Try: "First we'll fill this jar with coloured pebbles, then we can watch something"

Instead of: "Play until lunchtime"

Try: "Let's complete this puzzle together"

The commitment should be something your child can see and understand in the present moment. This prevents the conflict that comes from asking her to grasp abstract time concepts she's not yet ready for.

Effective commitment devices for play

The Screen-Free Pledge

Make a formal, family-wide commitment to reduce screen time. Have everyone sign a pledge and post it somewhere visible. The social pressure of a public commitment makes it harder to break - no one wants to be the first to give in.

The Play-First Rule

Establish that screens only become available after a set amount of playtime. But here's the key: link it to something your child values. For example, screen time on Saturday depends on completing the week's play challenges. Now breaking the play commitment has a real cost.

The Accountability Buddy System

Pair up with another family and agree to check in on each other's progress. When children know their friends will ask about their screen-free achievements, the social cost of giving up becomes more significant.

The Play Jar Investment

Create a jar where everyone puts in a small contribution (pocket money, tokens, or privileges) at the start of each week. Those who stick to their play commitments get their investment back - plus a share of what others forfeited. This creates a tangible cost to breaking the commitment.

The Pre-Planned Play Menu

Create a "play menu" with your child, where she commits to specific activities in advance. Breaking this commitment means disappointing herself - a powerful motivator for many children.

Age-specific strategies

For younger children (4-6 years)

Create physical barriers that make breaking commitments require adult help:

• Store tablets in a special box that needs a key
• Keep screens in a different room
• Set up play stations that would need to be physically dismantled to access screens

Remember to keep commitments concrete and visible rather than time-based.

For school-age children (7-10 years)

Use social and emotional investments:

• Create play clubs where children share project progress
• Establish buddy systems for screen-free activities
• Set up challenges where success depends on consistent play engagement

The potential loss of social connection or recognition makes breaking commitments more costly.

For older children (11+ years)

Build in personal accountability:

• Help them set their own play goals and track progress
• Create projects with visible milestones
• Establish connections between play achievements and privileges

The risk of losing status or opportunities they've worked for increases the cost of giving up.

Making commitment devices stronger

The most effective commitment devices create multiple types of cost:

Social cost: Public commitments that would be embarrassing to break

Material cost: Something tangible that would be lost

Emotional cost: Pride or satisfaction that would be sacrificed

Opportunity cost: Future benefits that would be forfeited

The more types of cost involved, the more effective the commitment device becomes.

When commitments face challenges

Even strong commitment devices can struggle during:

• School holidays
• Illness
• Family stress
• Changes in routine

The key is to adjust the costs and accountability to match these challenging periods - perhaps increasing support while maintaining consequences.

Starting your commitment strategy

Begin with one commitment device that creates a clear, meaningful cost:

1. Identify what your child values (social connection, achievement, privileges)
2. Create a commitment that puts that value at stake
3. Make the commitment public or trackable
4. Establish clear consequences for breaking it

Remember: The goal isn't to punish but to make following through feel like the better choice.

Looking ahead

As commitment devices help establish strong play habits, you'll notice something interesting: The external costs become less necessary as internal motivation grows. Your child chooses play not to avoid consequences, but because it's become genuinely more rewarding than screens.

What meaningful commitment could you help your child make today that she can understand and achieve?

The Guide to Playful Playspaces

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How do you ditch screens and get back to play? You have to make play the easy and obvious choice. Set up your play space in the right way and make play inevitable. Find out how with our FREE guide.

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