Games with rules

When children become the keepers of fair play

Alice stands at the edge of the meadow, arms folded, frowning at a row of overturned buckets.

They're meant to be hurdles. But Sam keeps knocking them over on purpose, laughing as he runs through them instead of jumping.

"It's not fair," Alice sighs. "The younger children always mess it up."

Her friend Leila shrugs. "Then make a new rule. Maybe the little ones get a head start?"

"Okay. But Sam doesn't, because he's my brother."

By the time they've finished laying out the obstacle course for next week's sports day, they've rewritten the rules three times. What began as a simple race has turned into a layered negotiation: Who gets a head start? What counts as jumping? And what happens if someone cheats?

They don't know it, but they're doing something deeply important. They're not just getting ready for sports day: they're learning what it means to be fair.

Later that afternoon, Alice sits cross-legged on her bedroom carpet, a pack of cards scattered between her and Sam.

"You can't look at my cards!" she declares, then immediately peers over at his hand.

"But you just looked at mine," Sam protests.

Alice pauses. Her face scrunches in concentration. "Okay," she says slowly, "new rule. No one looks. But if someone looks by accident, they have to give the other person one of their cards."

And so the first Go Fish 'house rule' is created. And in doing so, she has discovered something profound about fairness, negotiation, and the delicate art of living with other people.

What are games with rules?

Open any box of Monopoly or Scrabble and you'll find a set of rules.

But there are also rules for hopscotch and What's the time, Mr. Wolf? No-one has written them down but we know them all the same.

There are even rules when you play dressing up. These 'situational' rules are made up by the players as they go along. They can be anything at all, no matter how ridiculous, as long as everyone agrees. "I'm the king and you're the peasants. If you forget to bow to me, I chop off your head. Last one alive gets to marry the princess."

No-one wants to play a game with a rule-breaker. Chaos reigns and the fun stops. So children are very good at keeping score. Not just in the game but how the players behaved.

And they don't forget.

"Everybody knows how you play is who you are"

So sings Bruce Hornsby in The Old Playground.

And it's true.

How people play games is a window onto their character.

Which means I probably shouldn't go into the trenches with my uncle because he is a bad loser.

It's Christmas Day. We're playing our annual family game of Risk, and I'm on course for victory. My armies are sweeping across the board. Europe, Africa and now into Asia. But my uncle has other plans. His three young sons are in the game.

"Boys. If you each give me your armies, I'll buy you some chocolate on the way home."

Yes, a grown man really said this.

Against such reinforcements, my advance is slowed. But I'm fighting the good fight and lady luck keeps rolling me double sixes. Checkmate, Uncle.

Rather than allowing me to strike the winning blow, this villain kicks over the board.

Kicks. Over. The. Board.