Five-finger breathing

A calming tool for self-regulation

When your child is flooded with emotion, what's the first thing you try?

A hug is a great place to start, but sometimes she doesn't want to be held.

And words don't work, especially if you are the cause of her sorrow.

When that happens, try this. It works because as your child watches you wordlessly demonstrate, her breathing falls into line with yours, slowing down as does her heart.

Materials needed

None.

Instructions

1. Position your hand. Have your child spread her hand wide with fingers apart.
2. Trace and breathe. Starting at the base of the thumb, guide her to trace up the outside of her thumb with her opposite hand’s pointer finger while breathing in slowly.
3. Exhale and trace down. As she traces down the inside of the thumb, encourage her to breathe out slowly.
4. Repeat for each finger. Continue tracing up and down each finger, coordinating inhales with upward tracing and exhales with downward tracing.
5. Finish with deep breaths. Once all fingers are traced, take a few deep breaths together and relax.

Tips

• Model the exercise. Perform it alongside her so she can follow your example.
• Use a calming tone. Speak softly to enhance the soothing effect.
• Adapt for engagement. Add playful elements like pretending the fingers are paths for a small “breathing creature” or tracing fewer fingers if her attention wavers.
• Practice often. Use it during transitions, before bedtime, or when she seems stressed.
• Keep it slow. Remind her to go at a gentle pace to maximize relaxation.
• Make it flexible. For older children, suggest using the technique when studying or before a test to reduce anxiety.

Expected outcome

• Sensory grounding. Shifts focus to physical sensations.
• Calming rhythm. Steady movement promotes relaxation.
• Minimal input. Effective during challenging moments for quick emotional resets.

Final word

Five finger breathing is a simple and powerful tool that helps your child practice mindfulness and regulate her emotions. It’s perfect for moments of stress or as part of your daily routine. Try it out, and share your experience in the comments below. Subscribe to our newsletter for more tips on fostering calm and connection through play.