Fine motor mastery

Forget what you've seen on Pinterest, fine motor control is not about tracing letters in sand and picking up pom poms with tongs. Your child craves meaningful activities to develop real-world skills. Better for her; easier for you. What's not to like?

Sam's trying to peel a sticker off its backing sheet.

He's using both hands - one to hold the sheet still, the other to pick at the corner. It keeps folding in on itself. He frowns in concentration.

Then, suddenly, success!

The sticker lifts cleanly away from the paper. But now he faces a new challenge: how to get it off his fingers and onto the page where he wants it.

The first attempt goes badly - it sticks to his thumb instead of the paper. A brief cry of frustration, a vigorous shake of his hand, and he's ready to try again.

This time, he presses it down carefully with his fingertip, smoothing out the edges with deliberate precision.

"That was hard," he announces, looking up at his father with satisfaction.

And it was. But it was also a great workout for his developing brain and hands - the kind of challenge that builds the foundations for everything from tying shoelaces to writing his name.

What we get wrong about fine motor skills

As parents, we often think fine motor development is about handwriting practice: worksheets, pencil grip and getting ready for school.

Writing is important, but it's the crowning achievement. What we often miss is the long procession of foundational skills that comes before that are no less important and equally tricky to master.

Here's what parenting advice rarely tells you: your child doesn't need fine motor "activities." She needs opportunities to use her hands purposefully, solving real problems that matter to her. When your child is in velcro but is desperate to buckle her shoes because all her friends can, she'll practice more, persist more, and pay attention when you explain.

Now imagine giving her a box full of old shoes and saying, "Can you do up these buckles?"

It's not going to work.

What exactly are fine motor skills?

Fine motor skills are the small, precise movements of hands and fingers. They're what help your child zip up her coat, open a snack box, squeeze just the right amount of toothpaste onto her brush, or thread a bead onto string. But they're not one skill - they're dozens of interconnected abilities working together - and that means we'll need to offer a range of experiences.

The building blocks of fine motor development

Grasping

• Whole-hand grasp - Remember putting out your finger for your baby to hold? That's her whole-hand grasp. It starts out as a reflex - a strong one, too! You're probably a much nicer person than I am so I'm sure you didn't do this but I used to enjoy watching my children pick something up and then be unable to drop it again... There's nothing like watching a baby wave her arm in frustration, trying - and failing - to shake a rattle free from her hand. Who needs Netflix when you can watch your child learning to override the palmar reflex?
• Pincer grip - Once you can open and close all your fingers together, the next step is to focus on just the forefinger and thumb. This develops around 9-12 months and is crucial for so many later skills.

In-hand manipulation. You have something in your hand, but it's in the wrong part. How do you move it? There are three ways: