Contingency play
Helping your child feel empowered by creating predictable and responsive interactions
As a child, I remember my mother and I playing a game where she puffed out her cheeks for me to ‘pop’ with my finger. The rule was simple: she couldn’t pop until I pressed. I loved the sense of control, the anticipation, and the laughter that followed. This is the essence of contingency play - it shows your child that her actions have predictable and enjoyable consequences, building her sense of power and agency.
Materials needed
- None required (optional: simple props like a balloon or musical instrument).
Instructions
- Create a simple rule. Choose an action that your child can trigger, such as puffing your cheeks and waiting for her to press them before you ‘pop’.
- Follow her lead. Let her decide when to activate the response. Avoid rushing or taking control.
- Introduce variation. Once she’s comfortable, add a playful twist, such as exaggerating your reaction or introducing new props (e.g., pretending a balloon ‘pops’ when she claps).
- Stay consistent. Ensure that your responses are predictable and align with the rule she expects.
Tips
- Focus on her timing. Let her decide the pace of the interaction to enhance her sense of control.
- Use imitation games. Mirror her actions, such as clapping when she claps or making sounds when she does, to build a responsive connection.
- Keep it fun. Use humour and exaggeration to make the game more engaging.
Expected outcome
- Sense of control. Your child feels empowered and confident, knowing her actions have predictable outcomes.
- Joyful connection. Contingency play strengthens the bond between you and your child through shared laughter and interaction.
- Increased agency. She learns that her choices matter and can influence her environment.
Why this works
Contingency play taps into your child’s need for predictability and control. By creating interactions where her actions trigger responses, you help her feel powerful and secure. This fosters her confidence and trust in the relationship. Additionally, it reinforces her understanding of cause and effect, a fundamental building block for learning and independence.
Final word
Contingency play turns simple actions into meaningful connections. By responding predictably and enthusiastically to her cues, you empower your child and deepen your bond. Try it during a quiet moment and see how it brings joy and connection to your day. Let me know how it works for you in the comments below.
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